10 Of Clubs

I was playing a 1/2 No Limit Holdem at The Mirage. (1/2 meaning the table had a $1 small blind and a $2 big blind.) I got there as the table formed and everybody got $200 to start with. I dragged in a nice pot after picking off a bluff; dealer's pitching the next hand as I'm stacking up. I think, Perfect time to run a bluff, people will think I'd only stop stacking to play a big hand. I'll raise with anything. I look down and see a pair of Aces, so I make a nonchalant raise and got 2 or 3 callers. The flop showed an Ace, Jack and a 4. The guy to my right bets $20 and I call, planning to pop him on the turn, while the other players folded. The turn was a King. He bet $50, so I assumed he had an Ace Jack or an Ace King and drawing dead. Stone-cold lock, right? So I raised him to $125. He goes all in for another $55 and said "If you got me, you got me," basically advertising an Ace Jack. I called and he rolled over not an Ace Jack, not an Ace King ... but an Ace Queen. I think Going to the mattress with top pair? Crazy! You're not as strong as I thought. He also wasn't drawing dead, as it occurred to some yokel who piped up, "Hey, he can win if he pulls off a ..." Just then the dealer turned over the river card ... it was the 10 of G-ddamn motherf&%$ing clubs. Broadway. Ship him the $400+ pot. Because of that loss, I went to $65 instead of $650, which would have let me dominate the table. Worst part was the guy left about 3 hands later with my money ... obviously to go tell his hipster buddies, "Hey, check out this sick monster pot I took off this guy." No buddy, you STOLE it. I almost got back to $200 that session, the whole time thinking, What if? So now whenever I'm playing and I see that card on the board I hafta yell, "Tennaclubs!"

~Ken 2011

The Dancing Bikini Girls

Sometimes I’ll invite my grown daughters and their husbands to go to Las Vegas with me. I will never take the two youngest unless we're on a road trip and Vegas is a side stop. At the time, my youngest daughter was 18 and my youngest son was 13. This was in 2005 and South West Airlines was running a great deal; $49 each way from Tulsa, so the wife and I brought our two youngest kids with us. When we got to Vegas we drove to an off-strip hotel because we thought the kids might enjoy seeing a free aerial show there. As we walked through the hotel the girl saw an ultra-lounge with a huge line waiting to get in. She begged me to let her go in and she wouldn’t stop bugging me about it. In my wisdom, I thought that with the line being so long and her only being 18, she would never get in. I figured she could wait in line while we finished the show so I said, “Sure. Get in line.” About 15 minutes later we returned to the ultra-lounge line that looked to be 5 light years long. No girl anywhere! I ran up to the keeper of the velvet rope and asked him, “Did you let my daughter in?” He sarcastically answered, "I don't even know what she looks like." I motioned toward my wife and said, "She looks a lot like that woman standing next to the boy, but without the steam spewing from her ears". Evidently he's never watched National Geographic or saw someone gets between a mama bear and her cub otherwise he would know that he was about to be wearing his spleen as a hat.

He allowed me to ride the glass elevator to the top of the casino to search for the girl. The club was very dark and crowded. As I walked around I became mesmerized by this bikini clad girl dancing on this lit up coffee table. I couldn't find my daughter. I asked this guy that looked like a bouncer, “How do I get out of here?” In a thick Jersey accent with his arms wide open he said, "What, you want to leave?” My worst fears were realized. For a split second I thought that this was a front where teenage girls and their 56 year old fathers are kidnapped and sold into sex slavery. On the ride down in the glass elevator I weighed my options; I could throw myself to my death from this elevator or face my wife. When I got downstairs I couldn’t find my wife and son. I walked around and finally found them in a trance like state staring at a bikini clad girl dancing above the bar. The 3 of us continued walking through the casino until we finally found our daughter in a hypnotic state staring at this bikini clad girl dancing above a different bar. We must live a sheltered life.

~Stoney 2005

What Could've Been

It was around 7 in the morning and I was walking the strip, trying to get some early morning exercise. I strolled into one of the strip casinos, thinking I could get a comped breakfast, when I walked past some slot machines and heard, "You're so sexy".  I looked around for the voice and saw a girl, who looked to be in her early twenties, gazing at me.  The first thought that popped into my head was, “You really think so?” but if I said that then the local mental hospital would need to do a head count because one of their patients would be missing. Instead, all I could do was smile at her. Without another word I turned away; then I went to have breakfast on my own.  The entire time I couldn't help but think what could’ve been.

~Stoney

The Wife Beater Violation

My wife and I were visiting Las Vegas during Nascar weekend. We had been staying at a downtown casino and the hostess comped us a buffet.  After using our line pass and giving our comp slip to the cashier, we were stopped by an official looking woman who informed us that I couldn't go in. She explained it was because my shirt didn't have sleeves.  I was wearing what she called a "wife beater", a sleeveless T-shirt. This woman told us, “Don’t worry; we furnish shirts for patrons who are violating the dress code.”  She loaned me a Hawaiian t-shirt that I could easily throw over my own shirt. We finally went into the buffet and all I saw was a sea of Hawaiian t-shirts.  I chuckled as I thought, ”Oh right. It’s Nascar Weekend.”

~Stoney

Would You Step Over A Man Having A Heart Attack?

It was a hot night and I was working as a boxman on my craps table. The table was stuffed with people and everyone was winning when the customer to my right suddenly grabbed his chest and fell to the ground. The four people that were standing next to him looked down for a second before all four of them stepped over the sick man and continued playing the game. I ran to the phone and called 911; they sent an ambulance over right away and luckily the man survived. It’s a shame that the craps game didn’t even stop for a minute during the whole episode. Everyone kept playing with a man dying under their feet.

~John 1996

Go Pound Sand

I was working as a dealer in a small casino and this nice couple in their 60’s would come in every day and play. One day the husband passed away and we didn’t see the wife for a week. Then she came in holding a small bag and she walked right up to my table. No one was playing, we said hi to each other and then she started to pull out all of my chairs. “What are you doing?” I asked. She started to talk about her late husband and I didn’t want to interrupt so I let her do her thing. When she got all of the chairs out she opened the bag and started to spread the contents over the floor. That was when she told me that her late husband had requested that his ashes be spread at his favorite table, the table he always played at. My floorman came over and told her to stop. “Go pound sand” was her only response. She finished spreading her husband’s ashes and left. As soon as she was out the door my floorman called maintenance over to vacuum up the husband’s ashes, which is what they did.

~Anonymous 1995

You've Hit Your Limit When...

I was dealing on a 6-deck blackjack table with a group full of people. They all knew each other and most of them were in their early 20’s. They had been playing for 4 hours all the while getting more and more drunk, but we were having fun and they were tipping me well. We are in the middle of a hand and nobody had said a word for a couple of minutes when the guy directly opposite of me took a drink of his beer and then sprayed it out of his mouth like he just heard a funny joke or something. The beer sprayed all over my face, my work shirt, the cards and the chips. I just stopped with my mouth hanging open and I just looked at him for a second. Everybody at the table was looking at him. I asked, “Why did you do that?” He looked dumbfounded and said, “I don’t know.” I looked at him quizzically and said, “You didn’t see or hear something funny? Or anything?” There was a pause and then he replied, “No” “So what happened?” “I don’t know I just did it.” “For no reason at all?” “Yea, I guess.” I sat there for a couple seconds and then I leaned over and took his beer away from him and gave it to his friend. I said to the friend, “Don’t give that back to him no matter what. He’s cut off.” Then I smiled at him and continued dealing. He apologized a couple of times and then tipped me $25. After 20 minutes he asked his friend for the beer back. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I was serious when I told you that you were cut off.” So they played a while longer, all the while his friends where giving him shit and then they left. I had to wait until my next break before I could clean up. I think I was more in shock than anything else and that’s why I didn’t scream at him but I was upset about it later.

~Heather 2008

You Know To File For A Divorce When...

I work as a paramedic in Las Vegas.  I was on a call to a casino of an elderly man in distress.  Once we got there a security guard at the door told us that both the man and the wife had been playing the slot machines together when the guy had a seizure and fell on the floor.  My partner and I reached the slot machine and the wife didn't even look over at us, instead she slid over and started playing her husband's machine as well as her own.  She said, "Help!'" once or twice but she didn't do anything to help us.  Like get out of the fucking way!  The entire time I was prepping her husband for transport she continued playing both slot machines.  Her husband ended up making it but I don't know if he was smart enough to file for divorce afterwards.

~Anonymous 1996

A Loving Thief

I used to travel to Vegas every couple of months and about every other trip my wife would accompany me. I was playing blackjack at a casino on the strip and after engaging in some small talk with the dealer, a young lady, she said she remembered me from somewhere. Eventually, she remembered me from some of the previous sessions my wife and I had played at her table; she said she spied my wife stealing chips from me. I laughed and told her I knew my wife was sneaking chips from me.

After one particularly horrendous trip, my wife and I were driving home from the airport and I was feeling really depressed over my losses. My wife reached into her purse and handed me $1,100 dollars. She said she had sneaked the money from me while I was playing. It didn't make up my losses, but it did take the sting out.

~Stoney 2008

A Wheelchair Drunk

I was dealing single deck blackjack in a pit right next to the entrance of a night club. Being a dealer you get to see all of these young people go into the night club sober and come out drunk. It was a great place to people watch. Once, I saw this young woman with long curly brown hair and wearing a short purple dress go into the club with her group of friends; but she didn’t walk out. She was wheeled out in a wheel chair because she was so drunk she couldn’t walk. The security guard wheeled her over across from the night club entrance and then used his walkie-talkie to try and reach someone. While his back was turned the wasted woman was talking to the only friend that came out with her. One minute they’re talking and the next minute the girl in the wheel chair had both hands firmly around the girl’s throat. She was strangling her friend and she looked mad as she shook the girl’s head back and forth. The guard finally noticed and broke it up but it was funny to watch.

~Heather 2006

Not A Good Place To Break Down

I had planned on visiting the Stratosphere when I came to Las Vegas. I was looking forward to going up to the top and riding the rides. When we finally made it up there we all had a great time. Then we went on this ride that ended up being a nightmare! It was huge and it hung over the side. You would be strapped into a hanging chair with your feet dangling and nothing below for miles. It had started to get windy and you could really feel the building sway. The ride started and then just as abruptly ended but it did not bring us back to the loading dock. It was broken and we had to hang over the edge for 3 hours while the wind picked up and whipped us around over that time. I was scared for my life! Luckily nothing major happened and we were able to get back to the loading dock and down the tower. I was so happy that my feet were on solid ground.

~Anonymous 2003

Good Cop, Bad Cop

My wife and I were leaving a casino via the elevator; we were heading up towards the parking garage.  In the elevator with us were 5 cops.  One of the cops looked at me and said “How's it going?”  I replied, "I've never felt safer.”  They all laughed and one of them said, "You don't know us.” That was followed by a louder roar of laughter from the cops.

~Stoney 2005

You Never Know Who You're Going To Run Into

I was dealing in pit 6 (the sports book pit) and it was New Year’s weekend. The whole pit was crowded with loud, young people and on my table there was one girl who was louder than the rest. She had long dark hair pulled into a ponytail and she was wearing a shirt with a fur collar. She was in her early 20’s and was wearing blue eye shadow. She was making so much noise that the floorman, John had to go over to her and ask her to quiet down. She looked at him like he had a weird growth coming out of his neck. A little while later the cocktail waitress came over and the girl asked for John’s name so the waitress gave it to her. At the end of the night the noisy girl walked over to John and gave him a big hug. She told him that she was his long lost niece. They hadn’t spoken in 10 years because they had lost touch of each other. She said that John was more like a big brother then an Uncle; after work they got together and exchanged information. Since everyone from around the world wants to come to Las Vegas you never know who you are going to run into.

~Heather 2007