Geriatric Blackjack

I was dealing blackjack to a table full of older men; the youngest looked like he was 50 years old. They had been drinking and having a good time when the 85 year old man knocked over his full cocktail. Ice and liquid went flying all over the chips, cards and table. We stopped playing and started using napkins to clean it up. The 85 year old was grabbing the ice and putting it back into his cup. Well he grabbed the ice and the $10 bet that was under it and put it in the glass, then he grabbed the ice and the $20 bet of the player next to him and put that in the glass as well, then he started to drink from the glass with the chips in it! It was so disgusting! The casino never cleans those chips. We pointed out that there were chips in his glass but it didn’t help much because he had already drank the last of the liquid in the cup. He was so drunk he didn’t care how dirty the chips were.

~Heather 2007

I've Got To Do This Blind Thing More Often!

I was dealing 3 Card Poker to a table full of people. Everyone there was playing the minimum $5 bet except the guy on 3rd base. He was playing $100 per space, per hand (which is $300 per hand). They had been playing together for a while when one person decided to play blind. He ended up winning with a straight. Two more players decided to play blind; one of them won with a flush and the other one won with a pair. The player that first went in blind now thinks that going in blind is good luck so we must make the whole table go in blind. All of the $5 players agree, thinking it’s a good idea but the man playing $300 per hand didn’t want to do it. “Do you see how much I’m playing? I’m not going to play blind.” The table argued with him and finally convinced him to try one hand. So they all go in blind and I flip over my hand and I have a Queen, 10 and a 2. This is a wonderful hand for the dealer because I qualify but I qualify with a low hand. I start to flip over everyone’s cards and only one person lost. Then I get to the man playing $300. I flip over the first card and it is an Ace, the second is an Ace so now he has a pair, and the third was also an Ace. He got a 3 of a kind! He won $4,000 and he was so happy he said, “This is great! I’ve got to do this blind thing more often!”

~Heather 2006

Go Pound Sand

I was working as a dealer in a small casino and this nice couple in their 60’s would come in every day and play. One day the husband passed away and we didn’t see the wife for a week. Then she came in holding a small bag and she walked right up to my table. No one was playing, we said hi to each other and then she started to pull out all of my chairs. “What are you doing?” I asked. She started to talk about her late husband and I didn’t want to interrupt so I let her do her thing. When she got all of the chairs out she opened the bag and started to spread the contents over the floor. That was when she told me that her late husband had requested that his ashes be spread at his favorite table, the table he always played at. My floorman came over and told her to stop. “Go pound sand” was her only response. She finished spreading her husband’s ashes and left. As soon as she was out the door my floorman called maintenance over to vacuum up the husband’s ashes, which is what they did.

~Anonymous 1995

Don't Tell Me What To Do

I was dealing single deck blackjack in the high limit area and my table minimum was $200. This well known high roller and George walked in and sat down at my table. He changed in $50,000 and both my floorman and assistant shift manager, Jordan, were watching. Jordan knew this player and knew he was a George so he walked over to him, shook his hand, said hello and then leaned over and said to him, “Our policy has changed, you can’t tip the dealers here sir.” I was fuming mad but I couldn’t say anything. The high roller just nodded his head and sat down and started playing. After about 2 or 3 hands the high roller stood up, pushed his entire pile of chips towards me and said, “This is your tip.” Then he looked at Jordan and said, “Nobody is going to tell me what I can and can’t do with my money.” Then he walked away. We lost a good George that day because he never came back but I think we made about $450 in tips. That is a huge amount! The average tips we make per day is $100.  A lot of dealers hated Jordan after that.

~Heather 2006

You've Hit Your Limit When...

I was dealing on a 6-deck blackjack table with a group full of people. They all knew each other and most of them were in their early 20’s. They had been playing for 4 hours all the while getting more and more drunk, but we were having fun and they were tipping me well. We are in the middle of a hand and nobody had said a word for a couple of minutes when the guy directly opposite of me took a drink of his beer and then sprayed it out of his mouth like he just heard a funny joke or something. The beer sprayed all over my face, my work shirt, the cards and the chips. I just stopped with my mouth hanging open and I just looked at him for a second. Everybody at the table was looking at him. I asked, “Why did you do that?” He looked dumbfounded and said, “I don’t know.” I looked at him quizzically and said, “You didn’t see or hear something funny? Or anything?” There was a pause and then he replied, “No” “So what happened?” “I don’t know I just did it.” “For no reason at all?” “Yea, I guess.” I sat there for a couple seconds and then I leaned over and took his beer away from him and gave it to his friend. I said to the friend, “Don’t give that back to him no matter what. He’s cut off.” Then I smiled at him and continued dealing. He apologized a couple of times and then tipped me $25. After 20 minutes he asked his friend for the beer back. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I was serious when I told you that you were cut off.” So they played a while longer, all the while his friends where giving him shit and then they left. I had to wait until my next break before I could clean up. I think I was more in shock than anything else and that’s why I didn’t scream at him but I was upset about it later.

~Heather 2008

Don't Worry, Be Happy (& Win Money!)

I was dealing blackjack and nearly had a full table. It was great because the players at the table were all family and they were laughing, joking and having a great time. This was their first time in Las Vegas and they had no idea how to play blackjack, but they were winning and having fun so it didn’t matter. After a couple hours this old grumpy man sits down in the only spot available and starts playing $100 per hand. It was a $10 minimum table and everyone there was playing $10. Not knowing any better the family continued playing haphazardly (splitting 10’s, hitting 14 when I had a 6 up card, and so on). I don’t think I have ever seen an old guy get so red in the face. His bull dog cheeks jiggled with rage and he blew up screaming at the family, blaming them for losing his first hand. He would belligerently tell each family member how to play, all the while putting them down in between rough "lessons."  These people were scared that they would do something wrong. Finally one of the players asked me, “What am I supposed to do on this hand?” He had a 12 against my 2 up card. I said, “Well the book says to hit it, but it’s your money, you do what you want to with it.” The old asshole stood up, purple in the face and screamed at me, “How dare you tell him that! You want us all to lose! You’re a horrible dealer!” I calmly said, “Sir, how much do you think the casino pays us?” He looked slightly taken back and then answered, “Uh, $5 an hour?” I put a sarcastic smile on my face and said, “Very good! Now how do you think we pay for groceries, rent, and bills off of $5 an hour? Our tips pay for that, and if the players lose we don’t get tipped. So there is no dealer in Las Vegas that wants their players to lose.” He was silent and he had this look on his face like he couldn’t believe I was talking to him like this. He then gave me the evil eye, took his money and left. The whole table looked astonished and one of the players broke the silence by handing me a $5 chip and saying, “thank you”. After that old geezer left the family was laughing, having fun again and I got tipped much more. 

~Heather 2007

Always Play The Max

I work as a floorman at a strip casino on graveyard. It is usually incredibly boring on the graveyard shift because everyone goes to sleep around 5 A.M. and doesn't wake up until the afternoon which spans the graveyard hours. I was watching an elderly man and wife playing the Megabucks slot machine for a while one night. After some time the man stands up, talks to his wife and then walks to the bathroom. The wife sits in his chair and starts playing the Megabucks. After a couple minutes I see the husband walk out of the bathroom and towards the machine. While he is walking back I hear a scream. I look over and the wife is screaming because she'd hit the Megabucks. The jackpot was at $11,000,000.  The husband runs over to her and stares at the machine, she had only been playing $1 not the $3 needed to take home the 11 million. This 90 year old man turned around and tried to beat his wife with his fists but he was so old and frail he wasn’t doing any damage and not for lack of trying. I had to call security to break up the fight. The security guard that rushed in to break the couple up later said that the wife "didn't want to waste money, so she only played a dollar per spin."  They ended up winning $1,000 and nobody was seriously hurt.

~John 1994

A $10 Mistake That Cost Hundreds

I was dealing blackjack in the back of the casino next to the bar on a really slow day. I had nothing to do so I would watch people play on the slot machines while I wait for a player to sit down at my table. I started watching this guy play on a slot machine next to me and he was down to $10 in the machine. He stopped playing, tilted his chair forward (so to save his spot) and then walked to the restrooms. While he was in the bathroom another man walked over to the slot machine, took the $10 out and walked away. The slot player came back from the bathroom and when he saw that his $10 was gone he went crazy. He ran to our pit and screamed at my floorman, “Help! I’ve been mugged; call security!” My floorman hadn’t seen what happened so he thought the guy actually did get mugged. He picked up the phone, called security and security came running over. When the slot player told the security guard what happened the guard gave him a nasty look and said, “Wait; if you were stupid enough to leave your money in a slot machine and go to the bathroom, what did you expect? I can’t help you from your own stupidity.” The slot player was so furious that he started punching the security guard in the face. He got in a good first punch but then the security guard threw him down and used a taser on him. The slot player ended up going to jail for assault, all over $10. That cost him bail, a trip back to Las Vegas for his court date and a hefty fine. That $10 mistake cost him a few hundred dollars at least.

~Heather 2008

You Know To File For A Divorce When...

I work as a paramedic in Las Vegas.  I was on a call to a casino of an elderly man in distress.  Once we got there a security guard at the door told us that both the man and the wife had been playing the slot machines together when the guy had a seizure and fell on the floor.  My partner and I reached the slot machine and the wife didn't even look over at us, instead she slid over and started playing her husband's machine as well as her own.  She said, "Help!'" once or twice but she didn't do anything to help us.  Like get out of the fucking way!  The entire time I was prepping her husband for transport she continued playing both slot machines.  Her husband ended up making it but I don't know if he was smart enough to file for divorce afterwards.

~Anonymous 1996

Sleep Dealing

I used to work two full-time jobs. I would deal blackjack at one casino on swing shift and then I would go to another casino and deal on the graveyard shift. It was horrible; I would only get 4 hours of sleep during the day. I was dealing baccarat and I was so exhausted, I could feel my head nodding and I was trying so hard to stay awake. I dealt the hand and said, “Player has natural 9; banker has 7. Player wins.” I leaned over and started taking the losing bets when I heard, “Wait! Stop! What are you doing?” I opened my eyes and realized I had just fallen asleep on the table. I just dreamed that I was dealing but when I looked down I saw that I had actually dealt the hand. But I didn’t see a 9 versus a 7, like in my dream, instead I saw 8 versus 8 which is a natural tie and nobody could have mistaken the tie for a player win. But there I was picking up what I thought were the losing bets (a “tie” basically means no one loses). I had already picked up the bets from half of the table and I had no clue how much each person had been playing individually. I had to call my floorman over and try to explain to him why I was picking up banker bets when I clearly had a tie sitting in front of me. It was incredibly embarrassing having to explain to your boss that you fell asleep on the job. Well, now I can truly say “I can deal baccarat in my sleep” because I’ve actually done it.

~Heather 2004

Crap @ The Craps Table

I was still working as a boxman on the craps tables. We had this high roller who was a small 60 year old Asian man that was dressed in a nice pair of slacks and a polo shirt. He was considered a high roller because he played $5,000 per roll of the dice. He had been at the table for a couple hours and was winning a good deal of money (he had $250,000 in front of him) when, out of the blue, he stopped playing and walked over to the nearest slot machine. He stood there for a minute, then shook his leg a bit and came back. When he came back he brought this really putrid smell with him. I didn’t want to embarrass the high roller so I called over a hostess and she pulled the high roller aside, they talked quietly to each other and then the two of them left. About 20 minutes later the high roller came back wearing a brand new jumpsuit; he didn’t say anything, he just went back to playing. The hostess told me later that the high roller was winning so much money that he didn’t want to take the time to walk to the bathroom. Instead he took a crap in his pants and shook the piece of shit out of his pant leg and right next to the slot machines. The casino wanted him to stay so badly that instead of kicking him out they comped him a free jogging suit and let him finish playing. What they say is true; if you’re a high roller the casino will let you do almost anything.

~John 2003