What Could've Been

It was around 7 in the morning and I was walking the strip, trying to get some early morning exercise. I strolled into one of the strip casinos, thinking I could get a comped breakfast, when I walked past some slot machines and heard, "You're so sexy".  I looked around for the voice and saw a girl, who looked to be in her early twenties, gazing at me.  The first thought that popped into my head was, “You really think so?” but if I said that then the local mental hospital would need to do a head count because one of their patients would be missing. Instead, all I could do was smile at her. Without another word I turned away; then I went to have breakfast on my own.  The entire time I couldn't help but think what could’ve been.

~Stoney

A Type Of Crack Called Blackjack

I don’t really think about other people’s perceptions about Las Vegas locals. It doesn’t come up until I have to travel somewhere. Whenever I meet someone new the first question I’m asked is, “Where are you from?” I’ll answer Las Vegas and the person's face will light up and immediately the next question that comes out of their mouth is, “What hotel do you live in?” It’s embarrassing to have to explain to grown adults that Las Vegas locals live in houses; just like everyone else. Next, they’ll ask, “What do you do for a living?” I’ll reply, “I’m a dealer.” Again, the eyes will go wide and they’ll say, “You’re a drug dealer?! What kind of drugs do you sell?”  By that point I won’t even bother explaining. Once in a while, I’ll answer sarcastically, “I sell a type of crack called blackjack…”

~Heather 2010

The Wife Beater Violation

My wife and I were visiting Las Vegas during Nascar weekend. We had been staying at a downtown casino and the hostess comped us a buffet.  After using our line pass and giving our comp slip to the cashier, we were stopped by an official looking woman who informed us that I couldn't go in. She explained it was because my shirt didn't have sleeves.  I was wearing what she called a "wife beater", a sleeveless T-shirt. This woman told us, “Don’t worry; we furnish shirts for patrons who are violating the dress code.”  She loaned me a Hawaiian t-shirt that I could easily throw over my own shirt. We finally went into the buffet and all I saw was a sea of Hawaiian t-shirts.  I chuckled as I thought, ”Oh right. It’s Nascar Weekend.”

~Stoney

Celebrity Expectations

I was dealing blackjack and not really paying attention to anything when my floorwoman, Elizabeth, came rushing over to me while saying, “Look! There’s Dennis Franz! I love his show! Maybe I can get an autograph!” She hustled over to the table he had just sat down at and happily talked to him and the group of people he was with. They sat and played for an hour and then they got up and walked over to my table; I was so excited. I love Dennis Franz and I was so happy about meeting him. He sat down, introduced his wife, Joanie, his sister, Marlene and her husband to me and then they started playing. I tried really hard to be pleasant and likable because I really wanted to leave a good impression but fate had different plans.

He got all the worst cards and lost almost every hand. That’s when I realized he was just another human being like all of my other players. He was so furious he was losing money that he blamed me. He grumbled, cursed, and then threw his cards down. He acted exactly like the customers I despise; I was so disappointed. His wife and sister were very friendly and sweet. I liked them a lot but by the end of the night I had completely stopped talking to Dennis. I would only talk to his wife and sister. They left a couple hours later.

~Heather 2009

Card Check

When a dealer gets new cards the 1^st thing they do is spread the cards face up. They’re supposed to spread them far enough that the cameras can verify that each card is there. Then the dealer has to check and make sure that the cards are in order and that they don’t have any marks on them. If everything looks okay and all of the cards are there then the dealer will spread the cards on their back and check for marks. When the dealer is looking for marks they’re looking for any kind of ink blots made by the machine, white spots where the ink has rubbed off or anything out of the ordinary. The dealer will never count the cards to check for 52 of them because the floorman will do that right before he hands them to the dealer.

The strangest thing I’ve ever found was two 6 of spades in one deck and they were right next to each other. Another time I found 2 cards cut in half in the same deck and I’ve also found a 9 of hearts missing from a deck.

~Heather 2010

The Book

Just so you know, the book is a small plastic card that most gift shops sell. You can buy one for about $1.99 depending on where you go. The casino will allow you to use it on any table; in fact they want you to use it. Think of the book more as a suggestion and not the 10 commandments. Just remember, it’s your money, you earned it; so do what you want with it. It’s better to be lucky then it is to be good.

~Heather 2010

Mr. Loud Mouth

I was playing in a 3/6 no limit poker game at a strip casino. (3/6 means the table had a $3 small blind and a $6 big blind.) I don't play a lot of poker, I find it too slow for my tastes and it takes more skill and patience than I have to be successful. On that particular game I was on a winning streak and ran my stack up over $1,300.  After winning another pot from this one specific player, he jumped up and pulled a book out of a white paper bag.  Pointing the book at me he said very loudly, "There's a whole chapter written in here about you. You're a textbook player".   I said nothing, not knowing what a textbook player was. Was it a good thing, was it a bad thing, I didn't know. By the way, I've never read a book on poker. The player to my right was knowledgeable; he was a poker dealer at another casino.  I whispered to him, "I'm not sure if I like being called a textbook player. "Just take solace in that pile of chips in front of you," the poker dealer told me.  I played a couple more hands before I decided to leave.  As soon as I got up and started heading for the door, Mr. Loud Mouth ran over and took my seat.

~Stoney

A Common Question

A common question I often hear when I’m dealing is why can’t players touch the cards with 2 hands? On a single deck and a double deck blackjack game the players are only allowed to touch the cards with one hand. This is to prevent players from using sleight of hand to switch cards, steal a card or add a fake card.

Another common question I hear is why do the players have to make hand signals when they want to hit or stay on single deck blackjack. The reason is because everything a dealer does they do for the cameras. The eye-in-the-sky can’t hear what people are saying which is why the players use hand signals. Technically, as a dealer, I’m not supposed to act if you don’t give me a signal. So if a player says “Hit” I have to wait for the hit signal before I can act. I have pissed off so many people; I had one player say hit and I told him that he needed to sweep his cards and he got so irate and start screaming at me, “I just said hit; are you deaf and dumb? Give me a damn card!”

~Heather 2010

Drinking & It's Effects On The Brain

I was staying at one of the nicest hotel & casinos on the strip. Late one evening, as I was walking thru the casino to the elevators to return to my room, I encountered a rather young and buxom blonde that was in distress.  She was rather inebriated.  Sobbing, she was trying to tell a maintenance worker that all she wanted to do was return to her room but she didn’t know her room number. Of course the maintenance worker had no idea what to do and the magnetic key cards don’t have the room number on them for security reasons; that is why it's very important for you to remember what room you're staying in.  The maintenance worker that was trying to help her spoke very little English and they were getting nowhere; so I walked over and advised her to go to the front desk where they could get her room number for her.  She stood there and stared at me like I was also speaking a foreign language; she was so drunk I don't think she understood. I tried again but then gave up when I got a blank face as a response. Seeing that floorshow reminds me why I'm so grateful I don't drink anymore.

~Stoney

Would You Step Over A Man Having A Heart Attack?

It was a hot night and I was working as a boxman on my craps table. The table was stuffed with people and everyone was winning when the customer to my right suddenly grabbed his chest and fell to the ground. The four people that were standing next to him looked down for a second before all four of them stepped over the sick man and continued playing the game. I ran to the phone and called 911; they sent an ambulance over right away and luckily the man survived. It’s a shame that the craps game didn’t even stop for a minute during the whole episode. Everyone kept playing with a man dying under their feet.

~John 1996

She Could've Stolen The Money By Denying She Got It

I sauntered up to a video poker game and pulled out a hundred dollar bill to insert into the machine.  Being an addicted smokeless tobacco user with a hit already in my mouth, I was looking around for a spit cup.  A casino cleaning lady asked me if she could help me and I asked for a cup to use.  She very promptly retrieved a cup for me and I tipped her a dollar.

I sat down and was fixing to beat this machine mercilessly.  As I fed the hundred dollar bill into the machine I saw it was really a one dollar bill.  My brain started chanting shit… shit… shit…. as I realized what I did.

I spied the cleaning lady over in the sports book area talking to a man sitting at the bar. I made a bee line over there and as she saw me galloping toward her, without saying a word, she reached into her shirt pocket and handed me the $100.  I thanked her and tipped her a $20.

~Stoney